By Steven Milbrandt
More Time is a paradox. Time is a constant. You cannot make more of it because it just is. Substituting what you do with your time is possible and advised because children grow and priorities change. One significant distinction is to prioritize time spend as a family. How this can be accomplished because of the “busy” schedules of modern life is often the question. The answer is not complicated, but will require lifestyle shifts and a person must be committed to make these changes and stick to them.
The fix it now mentality, a sort of “family night in a box” approach – just add water, let stand for thirty minutes, stir and serve (to borrow a cooking metaphor) is perhaps too simplistic, but as with cooking, if you make the right changes and follow a prescribed series of steps, you will see the desired results. More time with family and better, more quality time will be the results. “Family night in a box” is the possible and you can find time where you thought none existed.
First, family time can be built around one specific event among family members. For example, surfing has been used as a means to bring board enthusiasts together. It is through surfing that, because surfing is a male dominated sport, all involved have found a way to do something positive while spending time with their dads in particular. Many surfers say their fathers have either introduced them to the sport or have been a huge influence by being heavily involved. The first point here underscores a fundamental truth about time spent together as a family. It must be a specific time that you set aside to spend with your spouse and children. Regular Family Time helps us to remember that we are part of a special family unit; that we are loyal to each other, that we love and support each other; and that we want to celebrate each others birthdays and special events together.
However, it must also be remembered that everyone is an individual and we all have our own ways of doing things, goals and aspirations. Not only that but everyone you meet in your life you give a gift to. You either leave them wanting to be more like you or you show them a person they never want to be. Therefore treat everyone as the individual they are and respect these differences while endeavouring to develop and maintain a cohesive family time that is meaningful to all involved.
To better understand the apparent lack of family time today, it is important to consider some underlying reasons for this. Social, economic and technological change has altered the way in which families spend time together. Important changes include increases in maternal employment, part-time employment and the number of people living alone. The changes during this period have lead to a number of modifications of the traditional structure and nature of marriage. Marriage is still regarded as an important institution in certain parts of the world such as Vietnamese society. There, despite the influences of westernisation and western ideas few couples in Vietnam cohabitant before marriage. There are arguments on both sides of that debate, and that is beyond the scope of this article. It is merely pointed out that certain cultures have not yet adopted the free spirit attitudes typical of Europe and, to a lesser degree, North America. It is this have now, do quickly, and pack every possible thing into each hour and minute that has lead people to feel extreme stress and anxiety.
The speed at which most of the world progresses is at best troublesome and at worst alarming. Some have called this diminishing social capital. Social capital can be understood quite simply as networks of social relations characterized by norms of trust and reciprocity. The essence of social capital is quality social relations. So the question by extension than is how to build more social capital into our relationships with those closest to us – in short, the family unit?
Fortunately, this downward societal trend can be reversed, but it takes understanding and effort. “Family night in a box” as I have been calling it, begins with recognition that such a time is needed and entirely essential to both preserve and maintain the family structure in whatever form it takes. Family today does not necessarily mean a mother, father, 2.2 children and a pet. It might mean single mothers with five children struggling to make the bi-weekly cheque stretch far enough so as many possible needs are met. It might be a widower with two young boys or perhaps two people living together outside of marriage that are helping and leaning from each other along the way.
Family time must be nurtured regardless of what the family unit may look like. Here are some important things to consider with respect to how this can be accomplished. The ideas below, it should be pointed out, are not listed in order of importance. They are offered as a general guide. Take from these ideas what works for you and leave the rest. If you do some of these things you will at least be on your way to the “family night in a box” solution that was spoken about earlier. Here are some suggestions for developing a family time where perhaps none exists, or strengthening one that does. Some ideas are:
1. Set aside time each week. If you can, make it the same time from week to week. Children benefit from routine and will anticipate the time
2. Talk with your kids about limiting their activities outside activities to a predefined and reasonable number. By doing this they chose the one or two things they enjoy most, still maintain their independence and autonomy and can also divide time for family activities.
3. As a parent, put limits on your own activities so that you will have more of your own time to devote to your family.
4. Build a snowman. Winter activities are a great way to create a family together time. Memories that last a lifetime are made up of such spur of the moment fun times.
5. Protect your Family Time by eliminating any distractions like the phone, TV, radio, video games, or the computer.
6. Have a candlelight dinner every once in a while as a family. Such an atmosphere is not only calming, but can lead to great discussions and is a different experience from the usual dinner.
7. Make brunch for your bunch every Sunday. Set aide a day to break the regular routine and do things a little different.
8. Find a “Reading Tree” and claim it as your own to sit under with your children to read.
9. Friday night being the end of the workweek is one of the best times to focus on family. Have a games not or a family fun night of some type. Grab some fast food or make a quick healthy snack with vegetables and salad or perhaps crackers, cheese and soup and spend Friday night together.
10. Sledding. What could be more fun than zipping down the hill on a sled? Young kids may need an adult to go with them, but older ones just need a ride to the nearest park. This is another winter activity that you can do together as a family.
If you start to practice some or all of the above activities, “family night in a box”, the quick and simple family time will become you reality. You can do it if you paradoxically “make the time”. Make changes to your schedule and alter your plans. Soon what was a deliberate choice on your part will become a habit and you will never look back. Family time is essential. Make it a priority. Start today.
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