By Pam Golden 

“Like a drop of water falling on a rock, daily messages of criticism gradually, imperceptibly leave a destructive effect on children.” – Thomas Gordon 

“The problem with you is you don’t enjoy your food! Why can’t you just chew it slowly instead of gulping it down?” Josie said to her 11-year-old son. 

What’s wrong with the picture?

It sounds so simple doesn’t it? Josie thought she was giving good, well-meaning advice – constructive criticism. Yet the effects of those small comments often left her son feeling humiliated, angry and resentful. As with most “constructive criticism,” Josie focused on what was wrong with her son. I call this “Storm Cloud Criticism” because, just like a storm can devastate a community, certain types of criticism can devastate your child’s self-esteem and motivation. 

Over time kids begin to see themselves as bad, irresponsible, thoughtless, dumb, inadequate, unloved, and even unlovable. This negative self-concept can carry into adulthood, crippling them for a lifetime. 

What to do instead – Give Gentle, Appealing Feedback

When you take a wrong turn while driving, the last thing you need is for someone to tell you how wrong you are. What you need is help getting on the right path with a method that is inviting. You can do that with what I call “Sunshine Feedback.”

When giving “Sunshine Feedback.” 

1. Start with a friendly beginning – how you start is usually how it ends. Instead of: “I’m tired of you wasting time watching television.” Try: “It looks like you’re really enjoying that show.”

2. Express your concern and ask for their ideas. Instead of: “You need to turn off television and do your homework now!” Try: ”I know you have homework tonight and I’m concerned you won’t get it done. When are you planning on doing it?”

3. Agree on a solution-what they come up with themselves they are way more likely to do. Instead of: “Alright, you said you’d get it done right after your television show, you better do it.” Try: “That sounds good, you’ll do your homework as soon as this show is over. Enjoy!”

4. Calmly follow-up: This may be the most critical step. When you take the time to calmly follow-up, your kids soon begin to take you at your word and they also begin to take their word seriously. If you let it slide, they begin to lose trust in you and in themselves. Instead of: “What’s the matter with you? You haven’t even started your homework and your show was finished ages ago.” Try: “I thought we agreed you’d do your homework right after your show. Can you get to it now?” OR Try: “You finished your homework right on schedule. That must feel good.”

5. Have a Happy Ending: How you end the encounter will linger and probably be how you start the next one.  No matter what happened, find a way to leave a sweet taste with both of you. If it’s gone well, say, “Thanks.” If it hasn’t gone well, you can say, something like, “Well. This didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped, but thanks for sticking in there. We’ll do better next time.” 

Also, did you know that one type of praise can produce self-defeating behavior and anxiety, while another can move your kids to positive action? Changing a few words can make a night and day difference in your child’s life. If you like to get started learning how to give praise that motivates positive action while building self-esteem and confidence in your child please download my FREE Report on “The Amazing Impact of Effective Praise” at: http://www.basiclifeskillsforchildren.com/amazingpraise 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pam_Golden

By Pinky Mcbanon 

A growing-up child should be able to develop their self-confidence since it is fundamental in helping them to becoming a complete and whole individual and what that is not afraid to strive for the very best in order to achieve their goals and aspirations in life. Clothing and food alone will not make your child have the confidence and courage. Instead, it is mainly factors that are non-physical such as spending time and encouragement that can help your child develop self-confidence.

Below are 4 tips to help your child gain self confidence.

1.    The children will absolutely look up to their mother and father as role models. Children mimic everything about their parents; from the way they talk, walk, behave as well as dressing and other ways. One example for this is that when they have misunderstandings or problems whether it is from work and or aspects. It is very important not to discuss negative problem-solving ideas in front of the child so that they will not inherit it.

2.    When helping your children with their studies or home work be sure not to spoon feed them. You can do some part of their assignments before explaining clearly enough for them to do it by themselves. Aside from that this will also help you keep tabs on your children’s ability to learn things which are very important when it comes to the child’s self-improvement and confidence.

3.    Make your kid gets involved in some form of sports especially team games. It is not only good to build upon their strengths physically but also able to add to the kid’s inertia or inner strength as well as self-esteem on believing in themselves. Aside from this,  it can also help them develop their camaraderie in one team and improving their sense of sportsmanship. It is also a way of making them learn how to accept defeat wherein they can stand up again and strive to do better in future.

4.    Next, always encourage them to meet new friends. It could either be your neighbors or new friends from the nearby park and such. It can help your child develop the self-confidence needed to socialize and to communicate. At the same time, it will also allow your child to display his/her talents when you organize fun-filled activities such as singing sessions or any talent-time among the kids in the neighborhood.

The above 4 tips, when practiced to the fullest, will go a long way in helping your child gain their self-confidence.

Pinky is a mom with 3 school children. A Systems Engineer, an Independent Medical Billing and Coding Consultant. Her blog focuses on stay-at-home moms, dads and students who wants to work at home, build homebased business or just browsing her blog with a lot of information to gain! Visit her useful blog at http://ezonlinebusiness.blogspot.com/ and website at http://www.mommyisworkingathome.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pinky_Mcbanon

By Gareth A Williams
I’ve always found it strange how children born of the same parents and raised in the same household environment can have such differing personalities.

My two boys are a prime example. One has always been a more vocal, more aggressive personality; the other more mellow and laid-back. And I don’t believe it was the result of how they’ve been raised.

Even now, as teenagers, their differing personality traits are still evident. But it was definitely a challenge to handle and parent the more aggressive of my two boys when he was young. So, I thought I’d share some of what I found out about parenting such children.

First, it’s important to understand why children might display aggression or anger. It has to do with language skills, or lack thereof, in young children. Aggression, via actions and temperament, can result because young children do not have well-developed language skills. They may understand what’s being said, but they don’t have the ability to then express themselves verbally with the same degree of competence. That leads to feelings of helplessness, since the child’s feelings cannot be adequately expressed through language. As a result, they “act out” those feelings of frustration, helplessness and anger.

What can you do about it? First of all, you should make sure your child’s language skills are at a normal stage of development, as opposed to being hindered by some sort of disability (hearing, learning, etc.). Even though linguistic skills in children tend to develop at different rates, if you suspect your child’s aggression might be the result of a physical and/or learning disability, consider a visit to a speech pathologist or neurologist to rule out such possibilities.

When talking to your child about aggression, it’s important to use age-appropriate language the child can understand. Begin by first exploring the child’s feelings, and using the words he/she does know to express those feelings, rather than expressing them physically (hitting, biting, etc.). You may even try some role-playing with the child to demonstrate how you would like the child to behave when expressing negative feelings.

Also, be aware of two very important role models that may be working to instill the wrong behavior in children: your family, including any older children in the household; and, of course, the TV. There’s a great deal of conflict and violence on television, and it can often translate into emulated behavior in children. Similarly, the way you and your spouse express emotions and settle disputes can also have a big influence on your children, so keep that in mind. Even changes to a parent’s normal routine (a work schedule, for example) can trigger aggressive behavior in a child, so take this into account as well should you see a sudden change in your child.

Lastly, understand that, like adults, children need to feel they have some control in their lives. Aggression is often the normal approach a young child uses to gain or regain control, so instilling a sense of self-control in children, and consistently reinforcing this over time:

By Dr. Cheryl Guy
It is a fact that parent communication and teenage communication can be vastly different. When it seems as if neither party understands the other during the parent child communication process, especially between a mother and teenage daughter, I term this communication as momglish and teenglish.

The truth is, no one can better understand the plight of mothers as other mothers. Teenage girls feel the same comradery and security within their own friendship circles too. As mothers of teenage daughters, we have to be able to connect with our daughters on a more intimate-heartfelt level if we are going to maintain open communication.

If you are a mother and have been unable to tap into that intimate-heartfelt level with your teenage daughter and you find yourself questioning your sanity, intelligence, intestinal fortitude, and patience while attempting to communicate with her, you are not alone!

The parent child communication process reminds me of the dummy blocking sleds my husband’s football players used during football practice while coaching them. To teach the concept of effective blocking, the players would run up to the sled and push against it with all of their might in attempt to push the dummy backwards.

We as mothers sometimes feel that during our attempts of communicating with our daughters, we are the football dummy’s being pushed backwards, but on the same hand, we also have the ability to make our daughters feel the same way.

In the early stages of trying to reconnect with your daughter, choose a visual such as the football dummy blocking sleds or some other object. Not only is it important to form that mental picture in your mind, but print an actual visual picture of that object. Post it at your desk, beside your bedside table, in your vehicle or other locations where you will be sure to be reminded that you do not want to continue the same mode of parent child communication with your daughter.

The second way to improving communication is to actually talk with your daughter and explain how you have felt and how you intend to work towards a healthier way of communicating with her. Allow her to express her feelings as well. Give her a mental picture and visual pictures of your reminders and encourage her to either use yours or to come up with her own. Have her print her own pictures out for her use as reminders. You won’t believe how this concept can begin to move your relationship into a healthier place.

Don’t stop there though. There is no silver bullet or quick fix to sustaining change between a mother and her teenage daughter. The same can be said of the relationship between a husband and wife. It takes work and the payoff for your efforts will come in the form of life-long relationship changes between you and the one you love.

Dr. Cheryl Guy is author of “The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter You Actually Like” & Creator of the Relationship Renewal ProgramsTM. To learn more about her, her programs, services or to receive her FREE award winning “Parenting the Teenage Daughter” newsletter, visit her site at http://www.TheTeenageDaughter.com .
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Cheryl_Guy

By Janet Nusbaum
Devoting time to establish consistency and structure is often one of the biggest challenges that parents face when trying to teach responsibility to their children. Life skills are best learned by example and repetition, meaning that consistency is of utmost importance in building the skills that your children will need in the future in order to survive successfully in today’s society.

While imposing a daily home schedule may seem restrictive, the opposite is actually true. Children need to be able to depend on the adults in their lives and they feel safe and secure when they have a structure and routine to count on. Children do not yet have the maturity level to know how to structure their time on their own. They learn these skills from institutions like school and from the adults in their lives. For the parents, establishing a family schedule provides consistency and routine in a busy household. Consider our society in general, and you will find time schedules regulating most everything we do. Companies have standard hours, schools offer classes with a defined beginning and end, and mass transportation runs on a tight, proven schedule that is dependable to all who use it.

By establishing and posting a daily schedule in your home that includes chores and times that tasks are expected to be performed and completed, you are providing the structure and consistency that your children need in order to grow and mature. Schedules at home help regulate your children’s lives so that they have a model to learn from that they can take into their adult lives.

Start with a morning routine that includes daily tasks required to get ready for a new day. Have a set time to be out of bed and a list of preparatory activities, including getting dressed, brushing teeth, and combing hair. Give a reasonable time frame to complete these activities, and require the children to be at the breakfast table by a certain time.

After breakfast, allow time for checking that all school supplies and homework are properly stored in backpacks and any accessories – gloves, jackets, etc – can be donned in time to either get in the car or meet the school bus. Once you have set a morning regime, it is time to work out the evening plans, outlining homework time, mealtime, showers, chores, and any other activities that are involved in daily life, while still maintaining a consistent bedtime. We are a sleep deprived culture. Make efforts not to pass this way of life on to the next generation.

Establishing a visible daily schedule for your children to follow provides consistency and a foundation from which they can build on. It will also help you with organizing your own day because you will now have a structure and schedule to manage your time effectively and efficiently as well. With a daily schedule in place for the adults, prevents you from having to reinvent the wheel every day. All family members know the routine and in that they learn and can trust. Providing these routines and structure for your children while they are young not only provides them with a model of how to manage a home and how to perform routine home tasks, but it also helps them develop critical time management life skills that are essential to later life success.

Copyright (c) 2009 Simplified Spaces
Janet Nusbaum (AKA the Organizing Genie), WAHM of two, is an Organizing Consultant, Speaker & Author of ‘Mom, Can I Help Around the House? A Simple Step-by-step System for Teaching your Children Life-long Skills for Pitching in & Picking up’. Grab a FREE chapter of her book & household chore system by visiting http://www.KidsandChores.net. Get even more organizing & family management help by visting her blog: http://www.TheOrganizingGenie.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Janet_Nusbaum

For more information and support for creating what’s important to you, visit http://www.GalileoLS.com/consult.html for a free coaching consultation.

Print Chore Charts Free – It’s never been more important to teach your kids to be responsible. www.handipoints.com