By Gareth A Williams
I’ve always found it strange how children born of the same parents and raised in the same household environment can have such differing personalities.

My two boys are a prime example. One has always been a more vocal, more aggressive personality; the other more mellow and laid-back. And I don’t believe it was the result of how they’ve been raised.

Even now, as teenagers, their differing personality traits are still evident. But it was definitely a challenge to handle and parent the more aggressive of my two boys when he was young. So, I thought I’d share some of what I found out about parenting such children.

First, it’s important to understand why children might display aggression or anger. It has to do with language skills, or lack thereof, in young children. Aggression, via actions and temperament, can result because young children do not have well-developed language skills. They may understand what’s being said, but they don’t have the ability to then express themselves verbally with the same degree of competence. That leads to feelings of helplessness, since the child’s feelings cannot be adequately expressed through language. As a result, they “act out” those feelings of frustration, helplessness and anger.

What can you do about it? First of all, you should make sure your child’s language skills are at a normal stage of development, as opposed to being hindered by some sort of disability (hearing, learning, etc.). Even though linguistic skills in children tend to develop at different rates, if you suspect your child’s aggression might be the result of a physical and/or learning disability, consider a visit to a speech pathologist or neurologist to rule out such possibilities.

When talking to your child about aggression, it’s important to use age-appropriate language the child can understand. Begin by first exploring the child’s feelings, and using the words he/she does know to express those feelings, rather than expressing them physically (hitting, biting, etc.). You may even try some role-playing with the child to demonstrate how you would like the child to behave when expressing negative feelings.

Also, be aware of two very important role models that may be working to instill the wrong behavior in children: your family, including any older children in the household; and, of course, the TV. There’s a great deal of conflict and violence on television, and it can often translate into emulated behavior in children. Similarly, the way you and your spouse express emotions and settle disputes can also have a big influence on your children, so keep that in mind. Even changes to a parent’s normal routine (a work schedule, for example) can trigger aggressive behavior in a child, so take this into account as well should you see a sudden change in your child.

Lastly, understand that, like adults, children need to feel they have some control in their lives. Aggression is often the normal approach a young child uses to gain or regain control, so instilling a sense of self-control in children, and consistently reinforcing this over time:

By Dr. Cheryl Guy
It is a fact that parent communication and teenage communication can be vastly different. When it seems as if neither party understands the other during the parent child communication process, especially between a mother and teenage daughter, I term this communication as momglish and teenglish.

The truth is, no one can better understand the plight of mothers as other mothers. Teenage girls feel the same comradery and security within their own friendship circles too. As mothers of teenage daughters, we have to be able to connect with our daughters on a more intimate-heartfelt level if we are going to maintain open communication.

If you are a mother and have been unable to tap into that intimate-heartfelt level with your teenage daughter and you find yourself questioning your sanity, intelligence, intestinal fortitude, and patience while attempting to communicate with her, you are not alone!

The parent child communication process reminds me of the dummy blocking sleds my husband’s football players used during football practice while coaching them. To teach the concept of effective blocking, the players would run up to the sled and push against it with all of their might in attempt to push the dummy backwards.

We as mothers sometimes feel that during our attempts of communicating with our daughters, we are the football dummy’s being pushed backwards, but on the same hand, we also have the ability to make our daughters feel the same way.

In the early stages of trying to reconnect with your daughter, choose a visual such as the football dummy blocking sleds or some other object. Not only is it important to form that mental picture in your mind, but print an actual visual picture of that object. Post it at your desk, beside your bedside table, in your vehicle or other locations where you will be sure to be reminded that you do not want to continue the same mode of parent child communication with your daughter.

The second way to improving communication is to actually talk with your daughter and explain how you have felt and how you intend to work towards a healthier way of communicating with her. Allow her to express her feelings as well. Give her a mental picture and visual pictures of your reminders and encourage her to either use yours or to come up with her own. Have her print her own pictures out for her use as reminders. You won’t believe how this concept can begin to move your relationship into a healthier place.

Don’t stop there though. There is no silver bullet or quick fix to sustaining change between a mother and her teenage daughter. The same can be said of the relationship between a husband and wife. It takes work and the payoff for your efforts will come in the form of life-long relationship changes between you and the one you love.

Dr. Cheryl Guy is author of “The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter You Actually Like” & Creator of the Relationship Renewal ProgramsTM. To learn more about her, her programs, services or to receive her FREE award winning “Parenting the Teenage Daughter” newsletter, visit her site at http://www.TheTeenageDaughter.com .
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By Janet Nusbaum
Devoting time to establish consistency and structure is often one of the biggest challenges that parents face when trying to teach responsibility to their children. Life skills are best learned by example and repetition, meaning that consistency is of utmost importance in building the skills that your children will need in the future in order to survive successfully in today’s society.

While imposing a daily home schedule may seem restrictive, the opposite is actually true. Children need to be able to depend on the adults in their lives and they feel safe and secure when they have a structure and routine to count on. Children do not yet have the maturity level to know how to structure their time on their own. They learn these skills from institutions like school and from the adults in their lives. For the parents, establishing a family schedule provides consistency and routine in a busy household. Consider our society in general, and you will find time schedules regulating most everything we do. Companies have standard hours, schools offer classes with a defined beginning and end, and mass transportation runs on a tight, proven schedule that is dependable to all who use it.

By establishing and posting a daily schedule in your home that includes chores and times that tasks are expected to be performed and completed, you are providing the structure and consistency that your children need in order to grow and mature. Schedules at home help regulate your children’s lives so that they have a model to learn from that they can take into their adult lives.

Start with a morning routine that includes daily tasks required to get ready for a new day. Have a set time to be out of bed and a list of preparatory activities, including getting dressed, brushing teeth, and combing hair. Give a reasonable time frame to complete these activities, and require the children to be at the breakfast table by a certain time.

After breakfast, allow time for checking that all school supplies and homework are properly stored in backpacks and any accessories – gloves, jackets, etc – can be donned in time to either get in the car or meet the school bus. Once you have set a morning regime, it is time to work out the evening plans, outlining homework time, mealtime, showers, chores, and any other activities that are involved in daily life, while still maintaining a consistent bedtime. We are a sleep deprived culture. Make efforts not to pass this way of life on to the next generation.

Establishing a visible daily schedule for your children to follow provides consistency and a foundation from which they can build on. It will also help you with organizing your own day because you will now have a structure and schedule to manage your time effectively and efficiently as well. With a daily schedule in place for the adults, prevents you from having to reinvent the wheel every day. All family members know the routine and in that they learn and can trust. Providing these routines and structure for your children while they are young not only provides them with a model of how to manage a home and how to perform routine home tasks, but it also helps them develop critical time management life skills that are essential to later life success.

Copyright (c) 2009 Simplified Spaces
Janet Nusbaum (AKA the Organizing Genie), WAHM of two, is an Organizing Consultant, Speaker & Author of ‘Mom, Can I Help Around the House? A Simple Step-by-step System for Teaching your Children Life-long Skills for Pitching in & Picking up’. Grab a FREE chapter of her book & household chore system by visiting http://www.KidsandChores.net. Get even more organizing & family management help by visting her blog: http://www.TheOrganizingGenie.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Janet_Nusbaum

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